My Life Coach Magic Trick

We often talk about the dangers of putting other people on pedestals because they are human and will inevitably fail or let us down. Being let down isn't a bad thing, it's a normal thing, especially when we're in the habit of deciding someone is superior to us, therefore, inadvertently labeling ourselves as inferior.

I got to thinking this morning, prompted by one of my Al-Anon books, How often do I put myself on a pedestal?

The answer is often, especially in my younger years.

When I feel insecure or righteous, I judge you to feel better about myself therefore putting myself on a pedestal.

I did it last night while watching, Worst Roommate Ever on Netflix. I was saying, with conviction(!), to these women on screen, "Why on earth would you let a guy live in your house, from a Craigslist ad, that you haven't even vetted? Are you crazy?"

Of course I was thinking, I would never let a strange man live in my house that I haven't run a background check on. This sense of superiority lets me be righteous and boy does that feel good.

What's more true, is that I'm the same as these women. We're all trying to make a good life for ourselves and we're doing that the best way we know how.

I also put myself on a pedestal when perfectionism is riding shotgun. I'll say and do things to make you like me, laugh with me, think good things about me, or be my friend. These aren't necessarily bad desires because who doesn't want to be liked. Except they are when I start to abandon myself.

I'll lie, say something I've done that I think is impressive, laugh along with your joke when I don't think it's funny, say yes when I really mean no, or give you the cold shoulder rather than tell you how I really feel.

I don't mean to. I'd love to say that I don't want to, but actually I often do want to.

I feel gross when I fake being myself, especially these days because I know better. I'm often supporting my clients in identifying that "gross" point for themselves so they clearly know when they have crossed their own boundaries. You have to build clarity and awareness about who you are to know how you're getting in your own way.

The magic trick in my life today, which isn't magic at all and more like a lot of honest introspection, is being myself especially when...

I might stand out, or I'm scared what I'm about to say will sound stupid, or I know I might lose the deal and have to walk away, or, maybe worst of all, that you'll think I'm weird or a freak.

So many of my clients are bringing these scenarios to me. Some ahead of time so they can develop the strategies to stay in alignment with their best self, and some retroactively because they reacted and mis-fired.

At the end of the day, if we're going to be full of ourselves, our opinion about ourselves matters more than anyone else's.

Learning to love and respect ourselves is skill development at its best. It's not a nice-to-have, a woo-woo endeavor, or, as it's been called, soft-skills. It's hard, intimate, vital work that will determine the breadth of your success and the depth of your relational intelligence.

As a high-achieving woman who secretly puts a lot of pressure of herself to be perfect, drop the armor, pedestal and the rules and let yourself be a *little more* wild and rambunctious. Book a coaching session with me to identify what rules we can re-write together to help you get out of the funk and uncertainty of the decision you've been grappling with so you can take a deep breath and move forward with that "woohoo - I got this" feeling. Your success might get a whole lot more fun.

With Love,

Sarah x