Two Skills My Clients Love To Stop Overthinking

Do you ever walk away from a conversation or meeting thinking, "What the hell is the matter with me? Why on earth did I say that?"

The thought plagues you, churning away like it's ground hog day. You've got pressure in your chest and you start to sweat the moment you remember the words as they were coming out of your mouth.

After 12 years of coaching women all over the globe, I can't tell you how many times I've coached someone through an overthinking shame-storm. Just know, everything you're experiencing is normal.

The important mindset work I do with my clients, in these shame-storm moments is:

1. Develop the skills to neutralize their experiences and stop getting marred in self-pity.

2. Stop giving their thoughts and feelings so much meaning so they can take back their power.

Why are these mindset reframes important? Because when you have the ability to control your energy and bounce back quickly, you can focus on achieving the goals that really matter to you. You're not distracted, unsure and uptight but, instead, rocking and rolling like more of the natural leader you know you are.

Let me tell you how I recently applied these two skills to myself.

At 1:15 am, this past Saturday, after speaking at the Women's Leadership Conference on Friday, I woke up with two frantic, racing thoughts and a literal pounding/heaviness in my chest.

I couldn't stop thinking about how I had said the word "fuck" during my session. I was obsessing over if the one person who left the room left because I said that. I couldn't get the timing straight in my head as to when they left and when I said it, so I wasn't sure. I was also thinking, Did I come across as professional? Did I undermine myself and the message by swearing?

On top of that, I led the session standing in the middle of a very large circle. I think there was one side of the circle that saw my back much more than the other side. I was beating myself up for not turning around as much I could have to make the whole circle feel included.

The feelings and thoughts were so strong that I got out of bed. I needed to move around. I went downstairs and did what I teach my clients to do and practice myself. I started to name my feelings: frustrated, irritated, guilty, angry, disappointed, insecure, fearful, doubtful, and worried. I also felt some love, joy, empowerment, appreciation and positive expectation.

I did my best to sit quietly, breathe through my feelings to let go of them and change them for the better.

After about 15 minutes, I felt a little better and decided to turn on Netflix. I stayed up until 6:15 am then I slept until 11.

I felt a little bad about myself a few times throughout the night thinking things like, what's wrong with me that I can't just speak and enjoy the experience. Shouldn't I be back in bed by now? Am I going to stay up all night? Shouldn't I just be able to breathe my way through this? I noticed these thoughts and tried to not pay too much attention to them. TV was a great distraction.

When I woke up at 11, I wrote in my journal and shared a little about what I was feeling. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I didn't focus on the problems and, I swear to God, a miracle occurred.

I literally wrote, "There's nothing wrong with me. There isn't today and there never will be. Staying up most of the night and thinking those thoughts means nothing."

You know what happened next? I went on with my day and never thought about it again.

In short, I didn't make myself wrong or give the experience any meaning, which neutralizes it and puts the power back in my hands.

As someone who has struggled with overthinking, this was a big deal for me. In the past, I would have got stuck in the self-pity of indulging every thought. Thinking I was doing something positive by trying to dissect them and understand them, when all I was doing was creating a problem where one didn't exist.

Like me and many of my clients, when your mind feels heavy and burdened because you're making yourself wrong for how you handled a situation, you're causing additional stress and anxiety. You're literally telling yourself that you're defective and not good enough which affects your confidence. You might avoid hard conversations, feel lost and apathetic about your future which is equally alarming because it's unlike you, and generally like you're not quite yourself.

I often reflect to my clients that they get to be human. I know that sounds so simple, but as a high-achieving woman who has big dreams and goals, I know you can be hard on yourself.

I encourage you to take advantage of scheduling a free Full of Herself Coaching Session. I'll support you in taking the pressure off your shoulders by teaching you how to stop making yourself wrong and how to let go of the thoughts that keep churning so you can feel free and confident and like you've got your spark back.

Schedule your session today.

With Love,

Sarah x