I’m in a season of life where things couldn’t feel better.
I feel aligned with my body.
We are in the midst of this Air BnB adventure.
My work feels incredibly fulfilling.
I have a great team around me.
Preston and I are on the same page.
Austin is a hoot.
Not too long ago, life was very different.
On April 8, 2019, my ninth wedding anniversary, Preston drove me to a mental health hospital for a psychiatric evaluation.
What I didn't know at that moment was that I had been suffering from depression for many months. Along with that, I was having suicidal thoughts that I thought were a normal response to anger. For the record, no suicidal thoughts are normal. I have since learned that being suicidal and having suicidal thoughts are different. This is an important note to create more context.
We had recently moved to Columbus, OH from Philadelphia where we had lived for over eight years. We moved to Columbus on a whim after taking a small vacation to go to the Country Living fair, something that was on my bucket list. Neither one of us knew one thing about Columbus and within 12 hours of being here we looked at each other and said, "I think I could live here."
We rented out our home in Philly and moved three months later.
It has been one of the best decisions we have ever made and every day Columbus continues to grow in our hearts.
Preston changed his career from flooring to mental health and addiction, a passion he had longed dreamed of.
I took a job selling insurance because I wanted to use my coaching in a different way.
Many things with our little boy, Austin, who was two at the time seemed to change, too; new school, new home, crib to big boy bed, stair gates to no stair gates, high chair to no high chair, diapers to knickers....
While there was a lot of change, we were thrilled and intentional about these choices. Mental health does not discriminate. We can have everything we want and still struggle.
While life was great on the outside, I was fighting a war on the inside. I kept rationalizing, "Everything is new. Of course, I'm feeling overwhelmed. What I'm feeling doesn't match my reality, and it's because I'm still adjusting."
We don't know what we don't know.
I do know, without a shadow of a doubt, that all of my years of coaching and Al-Anon gave me the ability to reach out for help.
I went to an outpatient treatment program where I spent three hours a day, three days a week for five weeks sitting alongside other people struggling like me.
So many people in this situation don't get help.
It's out there and it's necessary and you're worthy of seeking it out. I would recommend calling your local mental health hospital directly. If you go to the ER you will sit for hours and, once they do see you, they will refer you to the mental health hospital anyway.
Treatment was a blessing and a practice in humility and surrender. I spent much of 2019 slowly nurturing my mind, body, and spirit back to alignment and good health. Shortly after getting out of treatment, I became crystal clear that coaching is what makes my soul stir. It's my thing. It's time for me to honor that gift in a new way.
I have spent much of these last two years learning more about myself.
I see my depression as a breaking down of my old ways of being that couldn't sustain the dreams I desired the most.
I stepped away from the thing I love - coaching - in the physical realm, to move closer to it in the spiritual realm.
Several people told me, "Don't you dare give up when it's about to get good. You're on the edge of something wonderful. Don't quit."
Here’s the rub.
I couldn’t continue to do it in the way I was doing it.
I'm happy I listened to me. It reminds me of my most favorite, self-reflective question, What do I think?
A dear friend said of these last three years, "Sarah, I don't think I've ever seen you more in the ring." That sounds incredibly true to me.
I'll never tell you not to quit because maybe you're not quitting. Maybe, you're surrendering in all your glory.
Our journeys are not linear.
Whatever season you’re in, I hope you’re able to bear your load, give yourself grace, and be aware enough to see the good it’s delivering.
With so much love,