Replaying the Conversation at Dinner

Do you ever find yourself replaying conversations?

Some thoughts come and go, others stick around nagging at you, interrupting your energy and focus?

I totally get it.

We recently went out to dinner with friends and something I said has got stuck on a loop in my brain.

Specifically, I was telling a friend how I feel inspired by all of the new projects coming her way and, more importantly, how they are coming to be.

Preston then proclaimed, "Finally, she's inspired." (talking about me)

I became immediately defensive and said, "You're pissing me off with that shit." Feeling the gusto with which it came out of my mouth, I then smiled in an attempt to measure their response and neutralize their ideas about me.

I’ve found myself thinking, what did they think of my outburst? Did it sound like an outburst? Who cares? Did I come across as aggressive? Do they think I'm insecure? Why did I say that?

It sounds crazy writing it out.

AND THIS IS WHAT WE DO!

I heard Preston say something different. I heard him say, "She hasn't been inspired, she isn't inspired. Thank God you're helping her."

When we talked about it later, he just thought it was cool I felt inspired.

Jeez louise.

Logically I know what matters most is what I think of myself. Emotionally, it takes a little longer to wind down my thoughts.

I’m here to tell you, this is normal.

We want to be liked. We want to make a good impression.

One of my favorites tools is smiling. I love to smile at my thinking, to wonder and delight in it, to see my humanity on full display, to feel compassion for this little girl who wants to feel accepted by others.

In doing so, I become the observer not the judge.

Go easy my friend and smile a little,

Sarah x