Today I Feel Profoundly Sad

The waves of sadness keep rolling in, and I'm crying from my gut.

I don't know why. 

I'd like to know why. I'm not sure the why is as important as letting my body guide me through the process.

I'm listening to her.

I told you a couple of weeks ago that I discovered that the lie I believe about myself is, there is something wrong with me. 

Everyday for 30 days I am doing an exercise where I write, "I, Sarah, am perfect as I am, even though...." My even though statements are a place to mind dump the reasons I could refute that I'm perfect as I am. 

....even though I can be awkward.

....even though I felt awkward dancing with people this weekend.

....even though I didn't want to go The Summit of Greatness last week.

....even though my head spins very easily.

....even though I worry a lot.

....even though I find myself feeling sad a lot lately. 

Now that the there's-something-wrong-with-me lid has been opened, maybe it's rearranging everything I know about the truth.

Maybe I'm being rearranged and I'm in the midst of the temporary disorientation that comes with change. 

And let's remember that change occurs on a cellular level.

My whole body feels as though she has awoken to feelings that have been dying to get out.

I feel as though I'm grieving, and I must ride this wave. It feels like my future self who desires to be more aligned and content, desperately needs me to allow for this. 

I'm trying not to overthink it, and to continue to do my work.

This morning I listened to a 40 minute talk by the incomparable Erwin McManus and did two breathwork sessions because one didn't feel like enough, and then I sobbed.

One could say that my work didn't work because I didn't feel better.

I think it worked perfectly. It gave me the space to release whatever was stuck. 

I've eaten a good meal. I'm drinking water. I'm here with you. I opted not to work out and instead let someone else work out the spiritual aches by way of a massage. 

Then I'll come home and write. 

If you're feeling sad today or, whenever it comes, allow it.  

You're worth it,

Sarah x