Why do I Live in Sunday When Today is Tuesday?

Why do I insist on worrying about something that is going to happen one week from now?

In other words, why am I living in Sunday when today is Tuesday? 

Why do I insist on robbing myself of the serenity this moment has to offer?

Why am I not enjoying the show I am watching now and worrying about a future that doesn't even exist?

I'll tell you why.

Because I've become accustomed to being in control. 

I'm worrying about Sunday on Tuesday because it gives me a sense of control.

Worry is familiar to me.

I know how to worry well so my body defaults to what she knows when she senses danger.

To put it simply, I'm afraid. 

I'm afraid that I wont be enough. I'm afraid that me, as I am, is not enough.

And that familiar hum of fear and discontent starts to swell inside of me.

For me, it's a nagging feeling that wont go away, a tightness in my chest, a knot in my tummy, and short, shallow breaths.

Worrying that I'm not enough makes it about me. 

Yet every moment in my life is so much bigger than me. Who am I to make it all about me?

No wonder I'm trying to control so much.

When it's not about me, when I'm aware of something greater than myself, a greater order to life, when I have a sensible perspective on my place in this world, I'm able to remember it was never about me. It's about showing up and being of service. I'm simply the vessel. 

Let me remember that my job isn't to perform. My job is to show up exactly as I am.

I hope you remember the same.

With Love,

Sarah x

p.s. please forward this to a friend who struggles to live in today.